Let?s face it, we all have parents.? And at some point, they are going to die.? Hopefully that won?t be until they are quite old and have experienced lives full of blessings.? Most likely, they have during their lives accumulated quite a bit of ?stuff?.? Sometimes this ?stuff? is priceless antique furniture, jewelry and china.? More often, this ?stuff? is post-World War II furniture, closets full of clothes long out of date and lovingly repaired beyond recognition, and enough plastic containers to fill the local senior center!? If your parents were born in the years surrounding the Great Depression, this is especially true.? Folks born in the 1920?s and 1930?s had to live very frugally to survive.? Therefore, they hold onto absolutely everything, because ?you just don?t know when you might need it.?
Fast forward to today.? Those same parents are in their 80?s and 90?s, and are most likely facing increasing health challenges.? You, their adult baby boomer offspring, may be in the process of helping them to move ? into your own home, or into some sort of retirement community or nursing home.
This means that their household needs to be downsized and disbursed.? Often your parents have lived in the same house for 50+ years; so this may also be the house you grew up in.? Many baby boomers have been trying for years to get their parents to reduce their possessions, especially if they pose safety hazards.? Tied into this are the emotional ?baggage? and stress that many families carry ? which are only exacerbated by declining physical and mental health.
After helping seniors in transition and their families for the past 8 years, here is the most important advice I can give.? Don?t focus on what your parents should get rid of!? Instead, take the time to find out what your parents truly treasure! Here?s how to do it.? Make a date with your parents to go through each room of their house with a notepad. Or, better yet, get one of their grandchildren to help videotape these ?interviews?, and then share copies of the DVD?s with family members! With patience and without criticism, ask them to tell you about the items in each room which hold a particularly important place in their hearts and memories.? Ask open-ended questions such as, ?Dad, tell me how you felt when you were awarded that medal from your service during World War II.?? ?Mom, I remember you telling me that Grandmother Ann came to this country as a young girl.? Remind me again which of these dishes came over with her family from Ireland.?
Keep your sessions to a reasonable time limit ? maybe an hour or so at a time, or one room at a time.? What I have discovered time and time again is that, even in the most overwhelmingly cluttered of homes, there are usually only a handful of possessions which tell your parents? story.? Sure, they may own a lot of ?stuff?, but when you ask them to tell you what the most important things are in each room, I assure you that it will only be a few.
This process has several huge benefits.? First of all, you will be spending priceless, unhurried time with your parents ? while they are still healthy and mentally fit.? Next, you will help them to ?say goodbye? to their household full of things, while clarifying what they would really like to take with them to their next home.? Finally, this process relieves the enormous burden of guilt carried by adult children faced with disbursing their parents? household.
Here are a couple of books to help you and your parents get on the same page!
Don?t Toss My Memories in the Trash: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move by Vickie Dellaquila.
Who Gets Grandma?s Yellow Pie Plate? A Guide to Passing on Personal Possessions by Marlene S. Stum.
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Gen Wallace-Roe is a professional organizer located in Hockessin, Delaware and has been an active member of NAPO-GPC since 2001.? Visit her website at www.HelpingHandsPro.com.
Gen Wallace-Roe is a Greater Philadelphia professional organizer with Helping Hands Professional Organizing Services in Hockessin, Delaware.Visit Gen Wallace-Roe's website
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